The Death of Theatre and other Tragedies ...

Last night I took my Betrothed off to see one of the great spectaculars of the modern stage - the Phantom of the Opera. We were fortunate that our friend, The Star, is one of the principals and managed to get us house seats at short notice. So we trooped off to join the madding crowds for a great night of entertainment ... we thought.

It was crap. Pure unadulterated crap. The extent of its awfulness almost defies description, it was just that crappy.

And why, you may ask, would one deliver such a harsh judgement on possibly the most successful musical of all time?

Well, it wasn't the cast. The Star was fabulous and the great Anthony Warlow brilliant.

It wasn't the production as staging and effects were of the highest order and costumes spectacular.

It wasn't the music which, while not to everyone's taste (certainly not my Betrothed's) was well played and effective.

No. It was the venue.

WHAT WERE THEY THINKING PUTTING A STAGE PRODUCTION IN A BARN!!!!!!!!

Now I have seen Phantom some 11 or 12 times over the last 15 years, in 4 countries and at least 6 cities. It has always been brilliant and I have always enjoyed it. But then, it has always been in a theatre.

The decision by the producers to stage Phantom in the Adelaide Entertainment Centre - a venue perfectly designed for rock concerts and basketball matches - was borne out of pure greed. Cram as many people as possible into the space, halve the length of the run (hence having to pay your artists for 50% less performances) and to hell with Art.

The normally spectacular stage was, from our vantage point, like a pimple on a pumpkin. About 90% of the effect of the performance was lost simply due to perspective and scale.

Obviously the producers had realised that of the 3,000 people crammed into the venue, 2,500 would be unable to see what was going on so 2 giant screens had been erected to broadcast the live action. These were incredibly distracting and made you feel like you had paid $120 to go to a really bad drive in. Unfortunately, you had to watch the screens if you wanted to have any idea what was going on as the actors were so far away from the majority of the audience that features and expressions were impossible to see, costumes were simply a colourful blur and the masterpiece of staging completely compromised.

It was a disgrace.

Arena spectaculars may be fine for shows specifically designed for that forum. But please, Mr Producers, never, never, never do this to another great show. We will certtainly stay well away.

A bad day ...

There are some days that one just shouldn't get out of bed.

Yesterday was one of those for my Betrothed who managed to blunder his way through a series of ... erm ... incidents that must have made him wish that he'd just skipped the day altogether.

Actually, it started the evening before when we dropped into a friend's birthday party. He had specifically asked if my Betrothed could do a bit of an act so, not wanting to offend, the fire clubs were loaded up and the birthday boy invited to participate in a small routine. This is a fairly passive exercise for the victim ... erm, sorry ... participant as all that is required is to lie on the ground and let fire be juggled over your head. I know. I've been there - and very spectacular it is too.

Just a shame on this occasion that the lighting was poor, the ground uneven and the dog barking. A combination of factors which caused my Betrothed to do what he never does and drop the fire clubs on the Birthday Boy's head. Whoops. No permanent damage done ... we hope.

So it was, perhaps, not surprising that he should want a little lie in the following day. We had the parental body coming over for lunch to catch up with an old friend we haven't seen in ages. He's one of the principal characters in 'Phantom of the Opera' so we had to have an early lunch to allow him to get back to the theatre in time for his matinee.

Anyway, I had been up and about for some time when the hour had progressed sufficiently to rouse my Betrothed so he could get ready for the day. However, he refused to be roused on the slim pretext of being on strike.

The strike was called in protest over my not looking sufficiently girlie. Now it is no secret that my Betrothed is fond of 'la difference' and would prefer that I not wear jeans and RM's all the time. As I do, actually, get away with this outfit often, I thought it was not unreasonable to comply and go put on a skirt. And anyway, a little more shut-eye wouldn't hurt him ...

Meanwhile the phone rang, the luncheon needed stirring etc. etc. so we were running a little behind by the time I had donned skirt and heels and was back out to the studio to try the rousing routine a second time.

While the strike was abandoned, my Betrothed was still being a little difficult and it was only my statement that the parental body would be here any minute that got him moving, striding across the short stretch of garden between studio and house on his way to the shower. Naked. And in full view of the parental body who had just that instant driven into the carport.

So my poor Betrothed was caught like a rabbit in the headlights, stark naked in front of his prospective in-laws, before gathering his wits (and who knows what else) and streaking into the laundry calling hysterically for a towel.

I don't think my Ma and Pa have laughed so much for ages - as my Betrothed, with the sounds of mirth following him, ran into what became an inordinately long shower. The parental body were, of course, very good sports about the whole thing and promised not to tell anyone. Well, almost anyone. Well, not everyone. Oh dear.

Recovering with aplomb from this most embarrassing incident, we all settled in to have a nice lunch. My friend, The Star, was in fine form and a good time was being had by all. My Betrothed enquired, as you do, about how The Star and I had become friends and I informed him that he had been long time partner to The Banker, the two of them breaking up some years ago.

This connection established, my Betrothed started his next sentence with "So, Banker, how are you enjoying Adelaide?" Whoops.

However, it didn't end there. The Star enquired, on recalling that my birthday was fast approaching, how old I would be this year. 29 and some months? I responded that I would, sadly, be turning 48.

My Betrothed (for the third time that day) turned slightly pale. "48?" he asked. "Well, yes" I responded. "You did know that I was slightly older than yourself."

The paleness continued, and I had a horrid moment thinking that he had, in fact, thought I was only 29 and some months when the truth came out.

"I thought you were turning 50" he whispered. "I think I'd better make some calls."

Now I don't know exactly what he had planned, but suspect that some lovely confection with 'Happy 50th Birthday' may have featured. And may not have been appreciated to quite the extent that such thoughtfulness would otherwise have warranted.

All in all, it was a good thing when our visitors left and we were able to return to our normal state of domestic bliss. And giggling. Well, I was anyway. I'm sure he'll see the funny side eventually ...

A good day ...

Well, dear reader, it was a busy day last Saturday with a double celebration being held at chez nous ... my Mother's 80th birthday combined with our Engagement Party! We had decided that as there was basically the same invitation list for each event we'd save everyone trouble and hold both celebrations together, and what a lovely day it was!


At first Mother was somewhat concerned about having a 'do' to mark this milestone birthday, proclaiming that her friends were of such a number that a small phone booth would be sufficient to contain her party. What rot! Given her vast popularity with her friends, her family, my friends and, now, the friends of my Betrothed we were not letting her get away with some shabby affair such as the morning tea she had (hesitantly) proposed. Not on our watch!



And how right we were. She was absolutely thrilled to have so many family and friends in attendance - some of whom we haven't seen for ages - and so uplifted by everyone's kind wishes and lovely gifts that she didn't have to wear a bra for 3 days. Or so she says ...

Anyway, everyone agrees that she's looking absolutely fabulous for 80 (there were several "are you sure?" type comments to be heard). My Betrothed made a lovely speech in proposing a toast to the octogenerian and a fine time was had by all.


There was also the small matter of our Engagement to celebrate, with friends still slightly shell-shocked and family all agog to meet 'The Man'. All were suitably impressed, of course, although my Betrothed swears all he did all day was say "Hello, lovely to meet you. Would you like a drink?"


Nothing more likely to endear him to our mob ...

So we all had a wonderful time as the BBQ ran hot, the drinks ran cold and everyone helped celebrate the moment when two confirmed Singletons, previously known for classic statements such as "Me? Get married? I'd rather take a gun and shoot myself ...", threw caution to the wind and made it all official.

Bring on November!