Careless Drivers ...

Bowled into the office yesterday after a very successful Sunday spruiking at the footy (selling Crows flags for charity - will it ever end?) to find something different about my workplace ...

Suddenly there seemed to be more light, more movement, more junk and NO FENCE!!! It appears that in the early hours of Monday morning some idiot had come tearing around the corner, fishtailed out of control and driven through our fence.

In the process he managed to:

1. Knock down the corner post holding the verandah up
2. Knock over the gas metre and associated pipes
3. Flatten the drain pipe from the roof
4. Leave an 8 foot gap in our fence, allowing access to the unprotected rear of the building for one and all.

Just what I wanted to deal with on a Monday morning!

First things first - get the emergency gas people around to avoid asphyxiation of the local community and unintential immolation of the first smoker to wander past. Of course, the emergency gas people can only stop the leak. You need to get a PLUMBER to actually put it all back together again. No worries - the emergency gas guy has a friend...

Friend plumber arrives to assess the mayhem. "No problems, luv. Can fix everything for the very reasonable price of $(insert your own outrageous amount)."

"But not until tomorrow."

In the meantime, he courteously removed all exposed copper piping to avoid it being ripped off by the unwashed masses that inhabit our neck of the woods. Obviously copper can be sold for it's weight in smack these days ...

Now on to the fence itself. Surely there would be some keen handyperson ready to leap to the rescue of a Charity in Distress? Maybe not. After trawling through the yellow pages and contacting several contractors who sell, but do not install, fencing and would certainly not be interested in something so banal as a repair job I lighted upon Jim's Fencing.

Now hat's off to Jim! It started as Jim's Mowing and progressed to Jim's Antennas, Jim's Handymen, Jim's Cleaning, Jim's Bin Cleaning, Jim's Bookkeeping, Jim's Building Maintenance, Jim's Carpet Cleaning, Jim's Car Cleaning, Jim's Computer Services, Jim's Dogwash, Jim's Finance Professionals, Jim's Floors, Jim's Graffiti Solutions, Jim's Painting, Jim's Paving, Jim's Pergolas, Jim's Plumbing, Jim's Pool Care, Jim's Roofing, Jim's Skip Bins, Jim's Test and Tag, Jim's Trees, Jim's Window Cleaning and Jim's Windscreens.

Is there anything that Jim can't do?

I can't wait for Jim's Sperm Donation and Jim's Feminine Hygiene Products to come on line ...

But I digress.

The delightful man at Jim's Fencing told me that OF COURSE he could help with our little problem. But not until tomorrow.

Which left me with no option but to engage a security guard to stay on premises for the night (you will note that there is no Jim's Security in their suite of products. Probably an oversight.)

The security person was supposed to arrive at 7.00pm at the conclusion of one of my interminable Monday meetings, but no sign of him. A call at 7.10 suggested that he was having a little difficulty finding the address. I gave him careful instructions. Still no sign.

A further call at 7.25 elicited the following probable cause for the problem ...

Me: "It's on the western side of W Square and on the southern side of the cross street."

Him: "Well that's where I am and I can't find you."

Me: "The lights are on and there are a number of people waving from the front door."

Him: "No, you're not there."

Me: "Er, we are here. Perhaps you're not?"

Him: "I'm a professional, Ma'am (at least it wasn't Luv!) I know my way around this city and you are not on the street that goes through W Square."

Me: "There is no street going through W Square - you have to go around it."

Him: "Oh ..."

Having established that he was, in fact, at another location entirely it was then only a matter of minutes before he made his belated appearance and settled in for the night. Time to go home ...

I am pleased to report that today the plumbers came and finished their connection, Jim's Fencing came and repaired the fence and all bills are going to the landlord. Oh, and according to the neighbouring coffee shop, the driver of the offending vehicle was taken off in an ambulance.

Nothing too serious, I hope :-)