The School Musical

Any of you who have had occasion to visit the Bestie's blog cannot fail to have noticed that she has been extremely busy doing costumes and stage management for her school play. My dear Arizaphale is never backwards about taking on extra-curricula activities and I know she enjoys the theatre, so it has been good to see her so enthused about this production.

The only problem with the whole process is that - eventually - the time comes when rehearsals are over and the production is ready to go. For which an audience is required. Which means me.

One thing that friends do is support each other by attending significant events in each other's lives. Even when those events include theatrical productions of ... erm ... dubious quality.

Over the years I have attended not one, but two, end of year concerts by the KL (or was it JL?) Dance Academy where the Bestie was doing jazz and tap. Every class (and there were many of them) had at least one number they had painstakingly prepared for our enjoyment. The problem was that there was only one choreographer and so after a few numbers, one noticed a certain 'sameness' creeping into the routines. After the first 20 it became painful. After 30 or so the audience had slipped into a glassy eyed stupor. And then there was interval...

A description of the wondrous occasion on which the Bestie and I travelled south to witness an amateur production of "Amahl and the Night Visitors" I shall leave for another occasion.

In her teaching capacity, the Bestie has treated me to two theatrical productions being "Reigning Cats and Dogs" for her first School and the latest offering "Pilgrim - the Musical" for this one. Both stunning original pieces penned (and scored) by ecstatic 'Happy Clappy's - possibly on crack.

Most of you would be aware that the Bestie and I have vastly different views on religion. She has it and I don't. So the very Christian subject matter of these musicals was always going to be somewhat of a problem for me - but I was prepared to put this prejudice aside and enjoy them on the basis of their merits. Erm...

Sadly, "merit" is not the word that comes to mind.

Despite the Bestie's sterling efforts (the costumes were excellent and I have rarely seen such magnificent stage management) the latest offering, "Pilgrim", was not exactly a wonder of modern theatre. Based (loosely) on John Bunyan's "The Pilgrim's Progress" the show lurched from musical number to musical number - the sameness of which made the KL Dance experience seem like a variety show in comparison.

To begin with, I thought the young cast had been caught in religious fervour and were speaking in tongues - but then I realised it was just that they were mumbling so much it was impossible to make out what they were saying. The lead singer/actor had quite a nice voice - and all the personality and charisma on stage of a limp dish-rag. And where on earth did a good Christian boy get that incredibly semitic nose?

All the other singer/actors should go to singing lessons, go directly to singing lessons and, for goodness sake, NEVER go on stage again until they've learned to hold a note.

At times the monotony of the musical numbers was somewhat relieved by the inexplicable presence on stage of a very fine rhythmic gymnast complete with ribbon. Lovely, but pointless. One girl woke the audience up from time to time with a couple of spirited cameos - and even managed to elicit a laugh! - but such flashes of talent from the young cast were sadly few and far between. And what was with the cotton wool angel wings?

To add insult to injury, the show lasted a good 2 1/2 hours which had Baby Angel and I whispering "are we there yet?" on several occasions as the Pilgrim appeared to be Progressing not at all.

Bit of a shame we were sitting in front of the Director. Whoops!

I am as yet undecided whether "Pilgrim" rates above or below "Reigning Cats and Dogs" on the nightmare-o-metre. Certainly the production values for "Pilgrim" were better (as were the stage management and costumes - did I mention that?) and we were at least spared being led in prayer by the school principal before the show. On the other hand, "Cats and Dogs" was shorter.

Ah well, at least the Bestie enjoyed it and got to spend time in one of our old haunts (the Scott Theatre) again. The kids obviously had a good time also and will inevitably have profited from the experience.

And I have completed my penance for this year. Mea Culpa ...